NASA’s Cannibalized Funding

With all of the problems that NASA has had in recent years, citizens and government officials have begun wondering aloud about the direction of the program. NASA’s FY 2005 budget was about $16.2 billion. In response, NASA officials (and the astronauts themselves) were on the air defending their funding and their successes (on almost every Sunday show), despite the fact that our shuttle fleet hasn’t performed as reliably as the Russians’ older models. In spite of their best efforts, though, NASA officials will soon discover that Congress is making other plans for much of that massive budget; after all, there are a lot of expensive priorities. After some research here at GC&F, we’ve obtained a double super secret list of some of the funding priorities for those billions of dollars that is currently circulating through the halls of power:

1) Adding purple to Homeland Security’s Threat Level System
2) Funding for bipartisan-supported Congressional Waterslide
3) Trust fund for the inevitable Gulf War III
4) Whatever pork projects Ted Stevens hasn’t already gotten approved
5) One-year contract to sign Derek Jeter as a Congressional Page
6) Research to complete Dick Cheney’s transition into a full cyborg
7) Punch and pie for upcoming Congressional mixer with Canada’s House of Commons
8) Begin work on GOP’s long-desired laser-guided prayer system
9) Acquire Alberta and name the new state after Ronald Reagan
10) Pay off Satan to terminate contract with Rick Santorum